Beyond the Omnicient Scope

What makes me Arwen? The majority know me as a university student with artistic tendencies and a double-set grin. Some people know I never wear matching socks, that I'm fond of spiders, dinosaurs and reading. A few people understand that I don't care what the public eye sees in me when I'm boisterous. But who am I really? I'm an organic human female, composed of working organs and possessing average intelligence. I'm not allergic to anything, have genetic heart arrhythmia, am 5'5.5" tall, weigh 117lbs., have four working limbs, two brown eyes and stale brown hair. My nails are fairly solidly white, indicating I'm ingesting a good amount of calcium daily.

People define themselves through their perception of each other's intelligences. Organisms are normally defined by their characteristics, but in the case of people, their psychological dynamics make them who they are and define them as individuals. All of this is common knowledge already. However, it might be easier to try to monitor how we perceive other people. If people were less regarded for what their social status, intelligence, education, and general sociology was, and were simply all seen for the living, breathing and consuming organisms they are at the heart of the matter; would there be less polluted consciousness? Would people regard each other as less or more for who they really are?

Hey!

I like you!

KITTENSKITTENSKITTENS

The one with the white-patch on her chest is Meho. The other is Vincent! Meho is a quiet but vicious devil, quite like her Sin City namesake. Vincent likes to cuddle and purrs lots.

Striiiing and a crotch-fight! Muahahaha! Kittens release endorphins, endorphins increase metabolism, immune system response and establish an overall sense of well-being. In other words, kittens are good for you! Those are my brothers ugly toes, and my brother's crotch they're fighting over. Haha.

Chicken Cherry Failure

Through three blankets,
a comforter
and cotton-flannel sheets;
past a cotton-spandex sports bra,
underneath an epidermis
a few ribs
and a canal of tissue:
there lies a beating heart.

Irregular sleep,
Palpitating heartbeats
Broken china denotes
(glass-torn innards)
Sorry excuses.

Heart-shaped Lollipops!

Come on friends, let's have a party! Heart-shaped lollipops for everyone!

The secrets I hide.

When I find myself unhappy I try to resolve it by asking, 'What do I want?'

I'm starting to turn my back on that question because it isn't solving any of my imminent problems. So I alter the question. I ask myself, more importantly 'What do I deserve?'

What may I do for you?

I'm your apprentice, assassin, servant and right-hand man. Give me a task to complete and I will do it because you asked me to. Allot me payment you deem worthy of my performance. I will not pry. It's not my place to do so. I will not disobey. My lot in life is unconditional service. The career 'they' acknowledge is a facade. When you call it doesn't exist. I'll yield to you not for the sake of the money, the power or the accomplishments. As far as anyone is concerned, I'm not alive. So I am indifferent to my education, lover, friends and acquaintances. Food, sensuality and family exist outside of me. No loneliness tears at my heart, no yearnings, cravings or wants. I'm dull to the world because it is dull to me.

If life is allowed to pretend I am illusion and non-existent, I will thus treat it so. I do not exist. But don't be disillusioned. I'm not depressed; I'm your apprentice, assassin, servant and right-hand man. I'm simply dull to the world because it is dull to me.

Crasins

Cranberry memories
Saliva dampened napkin
Ballpoint phone number
Ill-reputed decisions
Store-bought STDs
Death desserts.

My Totem

At the top of my totem pole sits a bird, not of prey, but an albatross with broad wings. Below his talons hunches a sober-eyed bear. Underneath the sturdy paws arches a limber-bodied wolf. At the bottom of my totem pole crouches a rabbit with closed eyes and laid-back ears.

The albatross flies far because of its stunning stamina.
The bear is always consistent and reliable in its behavior.
The wolf endures weeks minus prey because of its endurance.
The rabbit remains calm and stabilizes the entire column of beasts with its quiet heart.

Binging.

I must've done something seriously effed in a previous life. 'Know why?... Do you even have to guess?

Yeah. I'm pretty much despising life right now. It downright sucks.

I have this picture of myself binging on my brother's thirteen beer, then kneeling composedly in front of the toilet before throwing up all of my despicable days of misery. Yes. Afterwards, I wipe away the spittle and then calmly remove myself to promptly pass out in a clammy, sick sleep. I wake up the next day feeling disgusting but relieved because my body will have accepted my fate.

I know it won't happen, but it brings solace to think about it.

Wish me luck on my barf-a-licious final exam tomorrow.