You deserve the world.

Having something to live for makes all the difference in the world. Each day is treated as a new adventure to embark upon. Every life you encounter is a new personality to acquaint yourself with. The passing minutes are spent on something worth your while. Even though you welcome each day with a smile, nothing can come close to the feeling you experience when instead, you have someone to live for. You can live comfortably with something, but you live happily with someone.

I wish you all a long life with a partner worthy of your love.

Innumerous stiff-necked corpses.

Wild-eyed Mary cranes her neck,
Straining over her shoulder
Bleary-eyed, fright-stricken
Wild-eyed Mary cranes her neck,
Heart a-thump a-pounding
Franticly she lingers
Anticipating her special no one.

Nobody sympathized with Mary
Because everybody empathized.
A shallow shadow trails her
She pays it homage and love.
But invariably whether it stays
Or goes
Mary will always be alone.

Your strength doesn't determine your character.
Your character determines your strength.

Published Essence

Then I suck strength from every alien muscle and sinew as I pass and my imagination reaches godly heights, loaded to bursting point from the store of tales and fancies that each face offers to my eyes.

This tower of genius, this epitome of everything I've felt! No one has ever understood the feeling I've attempted to communicate but this author has summarized and articulated it so well to me! There isn't a note stating whether it's a work of fiction or not, but thus far everything conveyed feels like a perpetuation of my essence bleeding through some foreign man's fingers in 1933.

Today I crept into a library and slunk out with a small book. My goal is to finish it by Sunday. I didn't look into what it was about at all. I just plucked it off the shelves on the basis of the title and size alone. It's called Two Years, and the author Liam O'Flaherty has so explained my existence as a man in a previous life.

Five Short Months

It's crazy to think that in approximately five months I'll know where I'll be living and going to school next year. Having two schools in mind that are practically on opposite sides of Canada makes it doubly exciting. The choice I make this summer will determine whether I'll spend my long weekends making snowmen in the Rockies or wading around in Lake Ontario!

By the way, I promised Niki that I'd make friends immediately so that I'll have people that will report home about my life status. Be comforted! If I'm eaten by a bear in the mountains or drown in a Great Lake you won't have to worry about being uncertain of my existence. If I die you'll be promptly notified. :)

What prompted this update? Tonight I've officially applied to Sheridan. Tomorrow I'm mailing my transcripts. Can you believe it's $85 to apply to Sheridan? Eff! If I don't get accepted I want my money back. If I don't get accepted into either school you can expect a rather depressed Arwen who'll be sending mail-bombs to the portfolio reviewer who promised her she'd be going to art school in Fall 2006.

With lizardskin compassion's wasted.
Terraces of scales lace the leather.
I'm naked but not exposed
-- For I'm no longer vulnerable.

Thick, burning saliva
Coats each word
You'd rather not hear.

The eggs, naturally, were spoiled.
The spawn of the next generation
Curdled with begrudging satisfaction.

But luckily we're safe,
Bound but broken,
Inside these deep trenches
Of lizardskin.

I generally hate it when poetry requires an explanation. But this one developed suited for one, so here it goes. Lizardskin I meant to be one word. It can be interpretted as lizards kin or lizard skin, however you want to read it. I personally meant it to mean something of both. Lizards kin because it's meant to relate to contrary soul-mates (people NOT suited for each other), and lizard skin because it's obviously expressing how cold and/or indifferent people can be towards each other.

Somber Bear Power

I'm trying to look forward to tomorrow. Every ounce of my being attempts to convince myself of the benefits of existing today. But every atom strains against the effort because it feels contrarily. No one can convince me that what I did was right. Every day that passes by I feel like I made the wrong choice. When and if the sun gets brighter... I'm afraid the glare'll just make my headache worse.

Thanks guys.

I don't have anything of creative merit to say. But I do owe an enormous, love-coated and Arwenated thank you to everyone who's been there for me this past week. You have no idea how much courage and hope you've given me with your support.