Repetition

Punisher. I wish I knew where the happiness went. It melts away as swift as the shift of mood in an unreliable song, tremulously leading me through confused and unpredictable chords. The dispassion is transient but it wastes me when it arrives, erodes me like an acid; leaves my remains a brittle and smiling skeleton. I used to believe attitude was a choice. I used to hold the belief that you could control how you feel when God threw you a curve ball. Disgusting. I 'used to, 'used to, 'used to. Acidic fluid, hot and putrid, rolling from my tongue and into the sink: I hated vomiting in the toilet, putting my head where hundreds of asses have sat and broke wind, diarrhea and bitter-smelling urine. Fuck. I hate swearing so much.

I hate the dizziness. I hate the uncontrollable feeling that I deny over and over again. I hate how unreliable my emotion has become. But I can't control it, 'can't control it, 'can't control it anymore. Repetitious song. My smiles had been metallic because I hadn't felt real misery, hot and smoldering burning from my feverish forehead. Pasty-faced, vomit-mouthed, plastered with cold sweat; I thrust milk-saturated cookies down my refluxing throat, uncaring of the cost, conscious but apathetic to the consequences. Uh oh, up it comes again, over and over again but harder like it will be the next time.

Punisher. Disgusting. Repetitious song. Over and over again: I love you, I love you, I love you.

Dénouement.

Listen to Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse by Minus the Bear on repeat.