Here it goes...

I guess it's time to tell you what's really happening. You deserve to know, and there's no reason I should keep it a secret anymore.

A couple months ago I discovered a lump in my right breast. I tried to contact my family doctor but the office is claiming I don't have one, which is bollocks since my entire family switched over several years ago. I guess I haven't been sick enough so they think I don't have one. Either way, I got my breast examined at the mediclinic and they recommended an ultrasound which I received roughly a month ago. They suspected it was a benign fibroadenoma, which is a dense but non-cancerous lesion, but I asked for a biopsy anyway just to be safe. A couple weeks later, I had a biopsy and yesterday got the results back. The pathology report said that the samples confirmed it to be benign, but the "radiological features appear to be somewhat unusual" and they think it may be a cellular myxoid fibroadenoma, which means... fuck all to me, since I tried looking it up on the internet and all I've gotten so far is patient reports that don't tell me anything about what a myxoid fibroadenoma is. Either way, they say an excisional biopsy will be required so they can analyze the entire lump. That means surgery. Ew. And it's two weeks until I leave for Oakville, so there's no way in hell I'll be able to get in for surgery before I go.

I don't know my class schedule yet, so it's hard to say when I can even get surgery. I decided I want to have it here in Saskatoon, because this is where my family is and where most of my long-term friends live. Even though it'll be an in-and-out surgery, it's still... surgery. And I still don't know for sure whether I have a benign or malignant tumor. It's highly unlikely that it's cancerous, but there's still a chance. And this is the worst effing time for me to be struggling with something like this. Heh.

I'm only nineteen and I'm getting lumps removed from my boobs?!

Blah. Anyway, as I said you deserve to know. I'm under a lot of stress these days. My dad's getting married on Saturday. I haven't told him about the lump or the surgery and I don't think I will because he has this tendency to say everything is about him, so it'll be all, 'Oh woe is me, my daughter is getting surgery, pity me, feel sorry for me'. It makes me sick just thinking about it. My mom started to tell the family, so I decided I should tell the rest of my friends, too. 'Because you deserve to know what it is that's bothering me. I know it's a lot to take in, but please wish me well and pray for me, or hope everything turns out clean and okay.

I want to travel. I want to make art. I want to live a long life and be that old woman people smile at fondly when I toddle through the mall with my elderly brethren. I want to live long enough so that I can have children and so that I can see my friends grow, pursue their careers and have children of their own. Whatever happens, whatever the results be, I choose life!